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Getting
to know Marion, Kentucky
  
(if
these images look familiar, you've already got the idea.)
- Town
Population: pert near 3,000. Town Motto: "Welcome
to Mayberry."
- Two
traffic lights. Two funeral homes (so pay attention to the
traffic lights!)
- The
band plays at the gazebo by the courthouse Saturday evenings,
weather permitting. SCHEDULE
- The
newspaper leads with "Man Catches 45-Pound Catfish."
- The
municipal airport has finally paved the single airstrip.
- There
isn't a four-lane road in the county. Two-lane dirt roads
work just fine.
- What's
a "guard rail"?
- That
trooper who just pulled you over is addressesd as 'sir,'
not 'sonny', no matter how young he looks.
- The
schoolteachers speak English as their first language.
- Amish
schoolteachers speak English as their second language,
but without the Kentucky accent.
- There
are four seasons: Hunting, Fishing, Football, and Basketball.
- The
high school has two Homecomings, one for football season
and one for basketball season. That means your daughter
has two chances to be Homecoming Queen.
- We
won the state football championship in 1985. We still talk
about it like it just happened. Mike Crabtree played center.
- No,
wise guy, Mike's wife is NOT named Evelyn!
- There
is no 'vegetarian platter.' Just pick the lunchmeat off
the chef's salad.
- Kosher
menu? Yeah, maybe in Nashville.
- We
hardly ever lock our houses or garages. Or course, we pay
extra for security lighting so we can brag about never locking
our houses.
- Don't
plan anything for Wednesday evening, that's church night.
Even people who don't go to church won't make other plans,
because being seen elsewhere will PROVE they weren't at
church.
- Churches
offer free breakfast on the opening day of deer season.
- The
Hog Callin' Contest is in October, like always. No, Really!
- When
we give our phone numbers, we just give the last four digits.
There's only one exchange. Even if we get a second exchange,
we'll just give out four digits.
- When somebody asks for an address,
we just mention who lives next door.
- The banks and most businesses
close at noon on Wednesdays. During WW2, the workers got
off at noon to tend theirVictory Gardens. V-J Day seemed
like a poor reason to lose a nice afternoon off, so we've
been doing it ever since.
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